i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
