honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
