doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
