4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
