I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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