just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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