my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize