considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
