Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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