I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
