Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
