So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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