she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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