she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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