I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
