Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
