If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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