Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
