my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
