I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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