I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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