your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
