At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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