just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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