You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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