You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
