Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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