I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
