Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
