Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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