Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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