I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
