She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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