Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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