You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
