I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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