ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
