I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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