i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
