So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
