I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
