That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
