never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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