Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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