I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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