you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
