That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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