Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
