Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Welp...herpes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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