My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
