Can Purell be used as lube?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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