maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
