I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
