enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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