and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
