***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
