Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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