If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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