it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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