i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize