I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
