The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize