If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
