I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
