hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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