why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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