my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
