hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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