Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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