Someone shit on the floor
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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