What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
