yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
