no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
