Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
