Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
