I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want to make out with him forever
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
