so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
