Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
