just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
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