Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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