So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
